111

Laying honesty as the foundation to our relationship.

Me: Will you love me forever?
T: I don’t know, but I know I’ll love you as long as you love me.

That happened a few nights ago. Reflecting on it reminds me on how I appreciate my husband’s words. Sure, it wasn’t a fairytale answer which I would prefer to hear before going to sleep, but the brutal truth highlighted a couple of important points: 1) He respects me enough not to treat me like a child and lie to me just because it’s the easier option; 2) All relationships are vulnerable.

We are far from a broken relationship. In fact, we have been building one which gets stronger by the day. As of today, we have grown with each other for 6 years, 10 months, 10 days, learning different things about each other daily. Some experiences from the past had taught us that complacency and cruelty can bring death, and we’ve worked things out to ensure that the grim reaper won’t show up. But that being said, as all the other things in life, some unexpected turn of events can come knocking on our door in near or far future. And if the worst happens to creep into us, at least we do not have false hope to hold on dearly to.

We have discussed several times on what would happen if one of us were to pass on early. This is not an ideal situation at all. We’ve had a lot more conversations on what to do together till old age, sketching out the fun (and sometimes, ridiculously nonsensical yet funny) images of what we’d do as a couple, as parents, as grandparents, and even perhaps, as great-grandparents. But yes, occasionally, we do share dark conversations because it’s equally necessary.

Once, in March 2012 at the Aloha chalet, we played a couple game with our friends , in which we could throw random questions at any of the five couples to see if the pair’s answers meet eye to eye. For us, our responses matched up consistently. One of the queries was, “Would you let your partner have a new partner if you’ve died?” We both answered an absolute yes. We have mapped out the possibilities early in our relationship. We have considered the effects which will affect not only us as individuals, but the others around us. And we have reached the same understanding which we thought is best.

Despite all these, it still frightens me when I read online personal anecdotes on divorces and being a widow/widower. I can’t imagine a life without love from the man I choose to be with, the man who has given me more freedom than I’d have given myself, the man who promises to love me as long as I love him.

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2 thoughts on “111

  1. auroraroschen says:

    Hm. I think honesty in a relationship is great. That said, I believe that a huge part of having a successful relationship is realizing that love is not a feeling; it is a choice that we make. To truly love someone means to treat them with kindness and respect even when they are unlovely and even when they don’t reciprocate.

    If your love for someone else is predicated on their love for you, that is a dangerous cycle that is easily broken. Dr. Eggerichs writes a lot about that in his book “Love and Respect” – a GREAT book about fostering a beautiful marriage!

    Like

    • strawberry.ripples says:

      Hey, yes, definitely, love is not just a feeling. And it’s also not only about honesty and kindness and respect. It’s a whole complex thing that is white and black and everything in between… Haha, I try to capture the essence of it on this blog, and I can say for sure that the 111 posts dedicated to it are not even enough to cover 1% of it!

      And yes, I absolutely agree with you that if one’s love is predicated on the partner’s love, it is dangerous. But if you think that was what my husband meant, it’s far from it. I should probably have explained the context better. Basically, he was saying that he would be committed to the relationship as long as I am too, and if there is a day that I decided to fall out, he really doesn’t know if he’d strive on or give up on it. It was a fair statement, ’cause if I were to leave him, I can’t expect him to love me, right?

      Anyway, thanks for the book recommendation 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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